4-2-15 Post: Paradigms

Question/Comment: I am really tired of people telling me that it is my own thinking and expectations causing me misery in my life.  I think I was born angry and anxious and no one can fix me. How can my thoughts cause a guy to yell at me on the street when he bumped into me?  How can my thoughts cause me to be over looked for promotion when the guys or a younger woman have all gotten promoted? How is my thinking causing my boyfriend to cheat on me? My father never got promoted at his job and he cheated on my mother all of their lives. This is just the way the world is and I don’t see that changing the way I think is going to fix it.

Response: We all have our belief systems, standard viewing stances, or patterns we use as a template for life. In other words our paradigms. We base our world views of those beliefs and every thing we experience is filtered through those expectations. Are people basically good? Are we generally liked? Do we think life is enjoyable? Do we appreciate the people in our lives? Are we grateful for our pets, our possessions? Every experience including every thing we see, hear, and feel is interpreted through the filters of our paradigms. Every reaction we have and even what we notice in life is at least influenced by if not determined by our paradigms. What we have called into our lives so far and what we are calling into our lives now and for the future is determined by our paradigms.

It may be in our best interest to notice our expectations, thought habits, and beliefs.  What is your feeling when you awaken in the morning? Do you feel comfortable, happy to be in the world, grateful? Do you look forward to the day with ease or with great excitement? Do you feel you have plenty of time to do what you want to do during the day? Do you want to do what you have planned? Do you have a plan for the day? Does the day include play?   

What do you expect of people? Do you know who you will see, talk to, work with to accomplish a task? What do you think it will be like? Will the other people enjoy your company? Will you enjoy their company? Do you expect to be able to accomplish intended task? Will you feel satisfied, relaxed, happy when you finish the task? 

Just notice who you are and how you go about functioning during the day.  How do you present yourself to others? Are you honest about how you feel and what you think or do you hide your true thoughts and feelings from yourself and others. The answers to these questions are a beginning to you getting to know yourself, how you function in the world and what you are calling to yourself. For what you expect is what you will get. Change what you expect and you will still get what you expect.  Only now you can consciously choose what you want in life. 

By getting to know yourself, you have the power to choose and to make changes if you want to do so.  You literally have the power to continue as you are, to make slight changes or to completely rewrite who you are.  What do you choose for your future? If you make a choice, and begin down that path but find that you do not like what you are calling to yourself, you can choose again.  Nothing is “set in stone.”

If you choose to make changes to your paradigms, changes to your life and changes to what you call to yourself, you do not have to hurt others in the process. I am not suggesting sweeping changes in who you interact with, who you have personal relationships with or how you earn your living.  If those aspects of your life need changing, that is for a different forum and if you need counseling, that is not what this blog is for.  Most importantly these suggested changes are not suggesting that you abandon children or people who need you or in any way act recklessly.

The changes being suggested here are about internal change in thinking, expectations, points of view and what you call to you in your life. More than likely as you exude love and appreciation for yourself, your life, the people and things in your life, your relationships and life itself will become increasingly better and happier. There may be some people who will not be able to tolerate your happiness, success and gratitude. But, if you go about your self improvements quietly without bragging or trying to force others to change as well, others may not even notice or may only see that you are a happier, healthier person.  Then if someone asks how you have done it, you may choose to share your process with them, but only as long as they want to hear. 

It is important to not spend your momentum or scatter your focus by telling people what you are working on until you become very adept at the new style of thinking and changes you are making to yourself.  Keep your focus on your task, seek out teachers or therapists who can help you on your path and keep on keeping on no matter what. Use any situation in your life as impetus to continue and view everything from your observation point. Notice how are you reacting, what you are expecting, what you would like to keep the same and what you would like to change? "The game is a foot" as Sherlock would say. Enjoy!