12-23-15 Post: Is It Right for Humans to Love Unconditionally?

Question/Comment: I hear a lot about unconditional love and I think I understand the idea but I’m not sure I want to apply it in my life. There are too many times when someone is acting in a way that is harmful to me or others. I can’t just exude love and let it be.

Response: Unconditional love is an ideal, an archetype perhaps. It can be something we aspire to and something we receive. We are told by many people of their experiences beyond the daily facade of life where they return saying that our Source is unconditional love. They talk of experiencing this unconditional love when on the other side of the vale. 

There are many different aspects to this question. A personal quest to be and exude unconditional love does not mean forgoing appropriate action in life. If we see harm being done, we do what we can to stop the harm from continuing. 

Love comes into play when we attempt to help both the victim and the victimizer to heal. The trick is to love and totally accept the victim and the victimizer exactly as they are while stopping the harm from happening. If we step back and take a clear look, don’t we see that both have lessons to learn about love and compassion? Would they be involved in the situation otherwise?

We have the right and the duty to protect and take the best possible care of ourselves. The better care we take of ourselves, the more we have to offer others and the better example we set for others. The question here is can we take our appropriate action without condemnation or hate or anger?

Can we step in and stop the harm from being done to ourselves or others without condemning the one doing the harm? Even if physical action is required to stop the harm or if incarceration is required to stop someone from harming others again, can we do it by discernment, by judging the harmful behavior, not the soul or the whole being? 

I think these questions are the top of the iceberg and each individual will have to answer many of these type of questions for themselves. We each have an inner guide that will let us know what is right action, right thought, right directions for us at any given time. We each have things we have come here to learn, to teach, to accomplish. We are each individual energy expressions of the Source.

12-9-15 Post: Roles we play in life

Question/Comment: I hear people talk about people in our lives being our teachers, especially the ones that we have the most conflict with. Can you address that issue?

Response: What you have written is true but not so simple and clear cut as it might seen. We each have multiple roles we play in our daily lives and over a lifetime. We also have roles within roles and meta roles. 

Our everyday lives entail roles such as mother, daughter and life mate. Within those roles we have sub roles such as cook, house cleaner, chauffeur, lover, dishwasher, teacher, guide, wage earner, business owner and so on. Over arching or under arching those roles we may have other roles such as victim, victimizer, way shower, teacher and student.

Our roles also change over a lifetime. The roles we play as a child are usually somewhat different from roles we play as teenagers, young adults, middle age adults, older adults and much older adults. Some roles stay with us for a life time such as victim, victimizer, over giver, or user (unless we make an effort to remove those roles from our drama). 

These are the roles that people say we can learn the most from. I suppose this might be true due to the intensity of pain we cause ourselves with these relationships. The pain draws our attention and with that attention we can see our patterns and learn from our experiences. We are then in position to make new decisions and change behavior.

Each of us lives our own drama. We attract others to play specific roles in our drama and if the person we attract does not exactly fit the role we have them assigned to play, we do our best to mold them into playing the role more perfectly. For example if someone has learned to play the victim and attracts a person who is not a victimizer, the victim will learn how to push and irritate the other person until s/he becomes so angry that s/he becomes a victimizer.

That is not to say the victimizer is excused from abusive behavior. We are each responsible for our behavior and choices. The one who is pushed into being abusive has “written” that role for themselves into the drama they are living. We each have our dramas we live that overlap the dramas the people in our lives are living. If a person’s drama does not include a personal role for being a victim or victimizer, they will not stay in a relationship with, a friendship or an acquaintanceship with a person who does include those roles in their personal drama.

We don’t have to have pain, conflict and uproar in our lives to learn and change. We can choose to look at our behavior, choices, relationships and note what is making us happy, what is advancing our goals and what is not helpful. We can make conscious, clear choices about what to keep the same and what to change. By the way, the changes are made to ourselves, our thinking, our beliefs, how we choose to feel and what we choose to do. When we change from within, our outer expression of our drama changes automatically.

12-2-15 Post: Respect and Appreciation

Question/Comment: I would like to begin treating everyone and everything with appreciation and  respect. Do you have any suggestions on how I can keep myself focused on this?

Response: Sacred Touch as taught by Dr. Ann Marie Chiasson is a very good vehicle for this practice. She teaches focusing on gratitude, reverence and compassion while touching someone or something. Contrast that to the usual types of thoughts we hold in our minds when we touch ourselves, someone else or something else. In answer to your question here, we can even extend this idea as far as interacting with someone or something even if there is no physical touch. 

For most people when touching or interacting with someone we would have thoughts of irritation, stress, needing to hurry, self-questioning, self-doubt, wondering what the person wants, thinking about what we want from them, what is going on in the world, what someone said to someone else, something we said, things we have to do and on and on. Even if we are thinking gratitude thoughts it is usually about a particular thing rather than a general focus on a thankful feeling. 

How often are we distracted or in a hurry when we touch or respond to a child or a pet or a loved one? How would life be different if we focused on compassion and understanding instead? What if every interaction happened while we were focusing on the object, being or task at hand while also mindful of the Divine Source taking form as this person, animal or thing?

As you begin this practice start with yourself. Focus on the you that you know yourself to be. If you usually criticize yourself, begin the appreciation and respect practice with you. Then move to what is nearest to you, a pet, a family member, the chair you are sitting in. The more quiet environment might be easier in the beginning and then you can take your practice outside for a walk and then to the grocery and then to work and so on.

Written reminders in strategic places might be helpful. Place notes for yourself on your mirror at home, on the dashboard in your car, on your desk at work, in your shoe, wherever you will see it. It may take a while to get the hang of this and it may seem strange at first. Keep on and if you forget, just go back to it. Let me know how your practice goes.

11-24-15 Post: Meditation 

Question/comment: What is meditation and what is it good for?

Response: This may seem like a clear cut topic but many people may have a different opinion from mine. Please, explore different opinions from many different sources. By meditation you can find out for yourself what meditation is about and what the benefits are.

To answer the first part of the question, according to my understanding the process we call meditation has four stages. First comes learning to concentrate. It is very difficult for many people to focus on any thing for even a few seconds without becoming distracted. So learning to focus for a sustained period takes practice. Here I might look at a rose or a candle flame. Every time my mind wanders, I bring it back to the object in front of me. 

The second stage of meditation is meditation itself. With an object or concept as the focal point my thoughts are directed on aspects of that thing. For this stage I might begin to think about a rose and all it’s qualities. Rose is a flower that is often red. Red, red lipstick. Ups. Back to rose. Red petals of the rose. They are soft; I like to touch soft things. Ups. Back to rose. The soft petals of the rose repel water. I remember seeing water beads on a rose petal. I had an aunt Rose. Ups. Back to rose. Rose petals smell of a fragrance only roses can give off. I wonder what the cellular process is that creates the rose’s scent? I wonder what chemicals are involved in the rose scent. Ups back to rose. Some roses have thorns. Ouch. Blood. Ups. Back to rose. Some roses grown in hot houses don’t have a very strong smell. I’ve heard that florists spray flowers with artificial scents because commercially grown flowers don’t have much scent. Ups. Back to rose.

The third stage is contemplation where the mind ceases to think about the object or concept yet remains focused on it. This process allows insight to dawn in awareness. It is a more direct knowing without thought. It is more experiential. This is when a person can experience Samadhi which is both a kind of seeing beyond the norm and a very ecstatic feeling at the same time.

The fourth stage is Turiya. Turiya encompasses all other stages and moves beyond them to unselfconscious observation of being. Observation is of one’s own consciousness as the observer and all else all at the same time. The limitations of time and space are seen in perspective and known to be useful conceptual tools that don’t really exist. The really tricky part of this state of awareness is to retain it while functioning in every day life.

When viewed from an aspect of brain wave frequencies we can note that our normal frenetic waking state of what has been called “the monkey mind” emits the Beta brain wave frequency. When we concentrate we begin to produce Alpha brain waves which are the same ones we produce when we are in the creative process or relaxing or day dreaming. In the meditation phase we emit Theta brain waves which are the same that we produce while dreaming in REM sleep. The difference is that we are doing it in full consciousness.

In Turiya, as I understand it, we produce all the brain waves at the same time and to the same strength or volume with full awareness. So in Turiya we produce Beta, Alpha, Theta and Delta all at once. We might say at this point we have a fully functioning mind as opposed to a mind that is usually partially functioning at any given time. 

To answer the second part of the question, every person who practices the process of meditation probably does it for their own individual reasons. Examples could be that some people use meditation to relax. Some use it to learn to focus their attention. Some use it to reach Samadhi. Others use it because they are seeking enlightenment. Some people may be seeking their own true nature, and so on. 

Regardless of the initial reason for taking up the practice of meditation and what ever the stage of expertise a person reaches in their practice, meditation is a worth while activity. There are no down sides to the effort as far as I can tell. The discipline gained from practicing meditation can be put to good use in every aspect of life and the increased mental abilities gained by a person can only be a benefit.

It is very important to stay in the moment with meditation. At any stage of meditation focus on you and your current experiences and abilities. Be grateful for the practice its pleasures and its benefits. Any comparison you might make to what you experienced in the past, what you hope to experience in the future or how skillful someone else appears to be as a meditator will distract you and might discourage you from continuing your effort. Enjoy each session as an individual experience. 

11-12-15 Post: Stalker

Question/Comment: What do I do about a person who will not let me alone. She seems completely fixated on me and the more she pursues me the more I want to run from her.   She shows up at my house unannounced and uninvited. She tries to wheedle her way into my life by telling me what I need to do and then offering to help me do it. It has gotten so bad that just the sound of her voice causes me to cringe. I think I have PTSD from her harassment. Now I am really angry that I have to spend my time and money to heal from this person’s harassment and I still cannot get rid of her. (Original comment has been edited to shorten and hide identities.)

Response: Have you called the police? You may need to get a restraining order; do you have witnesses to the harassment or videos? Then if she harasses you in public, you can show the restraining order to the business owner or the police and have her removed. Do not take physical action yourself. You do not want to get suckered into doing something that will ruin your life. Get legal help.

I am assuming that you have spoken to her before this point and told her clearly and definitely that you don’t want any contact with her. It is very important to make clear to such a person that her plans for a relationship with you will never happen. It is possible that indirect hints and behavioral clues will be totally missed or ignored by some people. There are also those people who will ignore very direct no nonsense communication as well.

I would also suggest that you may need a few sessions with a therapist to explore your reactions and thoughts on this issue. If indeed you have developed PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from this issue then definitely see a counselor. It may seem unfair to you for you to have to spend your money on therapy because of the actions of someone else but you might ask yourself if this indication of victim thinking on your part? A few well used counseling sessions can benefit just about everyone.

A person doing the kind of stalking you mentioned may have a personality disorder at best. There isn’t enough information here to know about this person but there have been some cases of people who were psychotic and believed they were married to or in a relationship with someone who was a stranger or who had at least never agreed to or entered into such a relationship with them. 

If you have stated your desire for no contact with her clearly and she persists, then at least to some degree she not be fully in touch with reality. She may also enjoy the power of being able to frighten you or illicit your anger. Like any child or child part, negative attention is preferred to no attention. Clearly the person you described has mental health issues.

Request assistance from the police if necessary, get some counseling, take loving care of yourself. Make certain that you do not focus your time and energy on this stalker. What we focus on we get more of.

11-3-15 Post: What would if feel like to be supported by life?

Commentary: It is important for each of us to engage in an ongoing process of choosing what we want for ourselves and picturing it happening. The desires we have for good things do not come by accident. Our core selves lead us toward our destiny and urge us toward our individual path. It is very important that we each allow ourselves to receive the good that is waiting to come our way. We must each know that we deserve our good no matter what we may have been lead to believe to the contrary and no matter what mistakes or failures we believe we have committed in the past.

I challenge you to begin to picture a world, a life, where your are loved, guided, and supported in all ways at all times. You still have the freedom to choose. Being offered guidance and support does not meant you are an automaton.  You have choice, always. If you refuse to accept guidance because you feel rebellious ask yourself what purpose rebellion serves. Usually rebellion happens when someone is attempting to push us away from our personal destiny not when we are being guided toward it. But rebellion can become a habit, a badge of honor. 

Do you fear giving away your power if you accept support? No one can take your power from you. Listening with an open mind will not make you weaker. Do you feel guilty and undeserving? Shower your mistakes with love and forgiveness. Allow light to shine on them and heal all concerned. Forgive yourself and forgive others. As healing occurs, everyone will be uplifted. Self recrimination and self punishment can only hinder the work we are each here to accomplish. We are here to receive and share the love and clarity that is ours by Divine Right. It is our most basic nature and our most basic duty. 

It is not just a metaphysical saying that what we picture, think about and say is what we will attract to ourselves. This is basic science. Vibrations entrain with each other. Like attracts like and then blends and enhances. When two notes are played on a musical instrument at the same time, they blend and form a chord. A person who displays anger and irritation, will influence the mood of people s/he comes across who perceive the negative emotions and then react to them. Even if this process takes place on an entirely unconscious level, it will happen each and every time.

If a person walks down a crowded street focusing on the Oneness and God-ness of everyone and everything, people will react to that vibrational output. If s/he walks through a crowd intentionally emitting feelings of love and approval, people will react to that in kind. Begin to ask yourself what kind of world you choose to be a part of. For anyone who does not want to live in a happy, loving, supportive world, is it time to stop the self-punishment and the punishment of others? Is it time to stop the pain? Is it time to replace pain with feeling good, light and happy? What do you choose? You are a very powerful being; you have the power, the choice. Right here, right now.

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10-15-15 Post: You are what you believe you are.

Question/Comment: Is it true that I am a magnet for what I think, say and believe? Have I really brought my current circumstances to myself? Can I really intentionally make changes to my self and my life?

Response: Why not conduct an experiment to answer these questions for yourself? Choose a particular situation, condition or relationship and decide how you want it to be different. Then create at least ten affirmations stating the situation, condition or relationship the way you want it to be. Take time several times a day to say these affirmations to yourself while looking in the mirror. 

Also write or type these affirmations at least ten times at least twice a day. At least three times per day allow yourself at least ten minutes to imagine your future when your desired changes are a fact. Really give this experiment honest effort and don’t sabotage yourself. Create a schedule for yourself to allow time and space for the exercises.

Let the results of your effort take shape without trying to control the process or the outcome. Really put your time and energy into this experiment and expect to be delighted with the results. Then let me know what happens.

10-3-15 Post: Can I really recreate my life and have or be what ever I choose?

Question/comment: I really want to believe that I can change my life and move in directions of my choosing. I don’t like the thought of being a victim to my circumstances. Is it really possible to make grand, sweeping changes?

Response: Changing in the direction that your inner being directs is absolutely possible.   Making grand, sweeping changes might come in small incremental steps. Will I walk out of my house today, hop into the cockpit of a jet and pilot it? No. If I want to learn to pilot an aircraft, can I accomplish that? Yes.

Everything begins with the first step which is usually listening quietly to our innermost leadings. By knowing yourself, noticing to what makes your heart sing and having the courage to take a beginning step followed by the next step and so on, an end goal will be accomplished. The goal itself may change along the way and there may be obstacles to overcome and learn from along the path.

Have you ever noticed after accomplishing something that you believed was for a specific purpose, then with the accomplishment under your bet, you went in a different direction with it? Going with the flow is important. Flexibility in life will keep you and your life dynamic and enjoyable. We often only see a portion of the whole picture and have to be willing to change directions and intentions as needed. 

The short answer is yes you can follow you inner leadings and make changes accordingly. Just don’t make the results of those new changes into your new should and have to.

9-18-15 Post: Procrastination

Question/Comment: I tend to get distracted and not get my work done. It is very frustrating.

Response: There can be many reasons for distraction such as avoidance behavior, need to gather more information, difficulty in focusing, lack of energy or preoccupation with something else. Of course, there can be many more reasons. Is the work something you really don’t want to do? If so, can you assign the task to someone else or hire someone to do it for you?

Is your work something you enjoy? If not what can you do to change that? Begin to ask yourself, what really excites you in life and make a list of these things.  Then as you look at that list you can ask yourself how you can make more time for those things and how you can begin to earn money doing them.  

If you are having difficulty focusing, what can you do to lessen the distractions. If you can turn off televisions, radios and other entertainment devices. Move to a quiet area or turn to face away from activity. Look around your environment and determine what you can do to make it more conducive to your productivity.

Do you know how to do the work that is waiting for you; do you need someone to assist you or show you how to do it; do you need to do some research before you can proced? These are all questions to pursue with yourself. Be honest with yourself.

Do you have the energy physically and mentally to get the job done? Are you eating properly - getting the appropriate nutrition, and are you getting enough sleep? If not correct these imbalances. It is very difficult to produce work if you are not taking proper care of yourself.

9-5-15 Post: Death

Commentary: 

Many of you probably know that Dr. Wayne Dyer died a week ago. So many people world wide are expressing feelings of loss and at the same time celebrating his freedom and the grace of exiting earthly life during sleep. I never had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Dyer; I am greatly appreciative of his work and contributions to humanity.

What happens to the work of an influential teacher when the teacher dies?

I think that in a way the original work becomes fixed in time and place; the original teacher cannot make any further changes to the body of work from an earthly vantage point. 

The work itself continues to change and evolve from the work of the teacher’s students. In this sense the teacher’s legacy will affect eternity. Each teacher will live on in the students that live on. I have no doubt that great teachers continue to influence those who live on and in this sense continue to bring enlightenment to the body of work s/he left behind.

Some teachers are known world wide and some teachers work in obscurity. Every one of them deserves gratitude and love for their effort. There is no way to know the number of people influenced by a teacher. In a way, we are all teachers. One word, one event, one sentence can influence another person for life. That influence can spread from that one person to many others ad infinitum.

If we allow Dr. Dyer’s and other great teacher’s bodies of work to influence us, we will be better teachers for ourselves and others. As we move ourselves toward enlightenment, love, generosity, clear seeing and gentleness, we influence others to do the same. 

8-22-15 Post: What If You Could Fly

Question/comment: I keep hearing “think outside the box.” People keep trying to get me to think differently, to see things from a different point of view. But, I don’t see how that is possible. I wouldn’t be me if I thought like somebody else does. I would be a carbon copy of that person.

Response: What if we could fly? How would you see the world differently? Seriously, just imagine for a minute that you could see the world from fifty or sixty feet off the ground. What would that look like? How would it feel to be so light and have the air flow past your skin as you fly? What would it be like to see people walking down the street below? Can you imagine automobiles on the street, or seeing roof tops? In imagining what it would be like if you could fly, you have already begun to see things differently. 

The more you practice imagining different experiences, the easier it becomes. When you imagined what things would look like from fifty or sixty feet above the ground, did you cease to exist or are you still here reading this post? You still you. When did the exercise, you probably did change a little. It would have caused to be more of who you are. It gave you a stronger sense of self. Who you are has increased just a little. 

Your fears of losing yourself or your sense of self need to be gently, slowly addressed so that you can be more flexible. Your personality will not break or be destroyed if you relax and try to see things from a different perspective. It may be a good idea to seek professional help in overcoming your fears.

 8-15-15 Post: Who’s In Charge?

Question/comment: I feel like there is no time for me because I have so many things that I to do and so many people to spend time with.

Response: Who sets your schedule? Maybe it’s time to look at which activites are most important. Are there somethings you do that don’t really benefit you and you dont even really like doing them? Are these things necessary or is someone depending on you?  If others need you, can anyone else do the activity or at least help you do it? Can you eliminate some of the activities?

Also, can you consolidate socializing engagements? Which of your friends can mix together pleasurably? So, for example, can you have lunch with two or three friends at the same time instead of lunching with each of them separately?

It is very important to have time for rest, creative activities, being alone, and reading; sometimes you need to be able to do nothing. One of the most important things we do in life is to just stop and be. Just be.

Maybe it is time to start asking yourself, “What do I need? What do I want? How do I want to use my time and energy? How can I begin to provide these things for myself? 

The underpinnings for all of this is self love, self respect and self care. What do you believe you deserve? Change often takes courage and the will to succeed. It can be done and with the best interest of all concerned in mind.

8-6-15 Post: Adversity

Question/Response: I find myself in very difficult times financially. I don’t know how I got here and I keep beating myself up over being a failure.

Response: Kicking yourself will not help. This is the time to love yourself the most. While learning from your past actions and choices is important, chastising yourself for so called mistakes is a waste of time. Any negativity you feel toward yourself and your situation will only distract you from making positive changes.  

Look for solutions and helpful people. Let go of what you can and build where you can. Imagine the results you want and how help is going to come to you. Take help where it is offered and love yourself enough to ask for help. Take note of who can help you in what ways and then ask for and or accept that help.

Loving yourself is primary. Valuing and appreciating all of your accomplishments, all that you have given to others and your own uniqueness will make you feel good about yourself. Then you can let your creativity soar. This is the time to plan and begin new projects. Having lost what was makes room for what will be. 

How you define your situation is very important. See this in a positive light and nurture yourself on your new path. Let go of resistance and ask how you may love yourself to your next success.

Say things to yourself like:
“I love you and I will take good care of you.” 
“I will take care of you; I have never failed you yet and I ‘m not going to start now.”

Ask yourself, “What do you need? How can I help you right now?” 

There has never been a successful person who did not have some failures and some adversity along the way. Every successful person has accepted help from others. Don’t let pride get in your way. How you handle your current situation is the test. Will you love yourself through it? Will you accept love and assistance from others?

7-24-15 Post: Fear

Question/Comment: I know you have written about fear before, but I need more. It keeps coming up for me every time I start to spend money.

Response: Fear can be very deeply embedded in our psyche. It is something we begin learning from the day we are born. If we don’t examine our fears, they can shape our whole lives.

If you think back to how your parents or other adults felt about spending money, you may very well notice that you are replaying scenes from your childhood. Ask yourself how you feel about money in general and about spending money. Then ask yourself when you first felt that way. 

When you find your fears or negative beliefs about money, create a positive affirmation for yourself that is the opposite. Use this affirmation every time the fear or negative thought arises. Deep breathing can also help to calm you when you feel anxious.

Notice how you have spent money in the past. Is this what is frightening you? Have you been impulsive in your spending in the past or were you careless with money? If so, notice what patterns you have in this area and begin to ask yourself if you have been sabotaging yourself with money. 

Begin to seriously ask yourself if you feel that you deserve to be successful in attracting, keeping and using money. Take a close look at the ways you are currently wanting to use your money. How do you feel about yourself when you have plenty of money? How about when you have money and others don’t? What feelings and beliefs does that bring up for you?  

7-13-15 Post: Why is change so threatening?

Question/Comment: I constantly have to fight the feeling that I have to be right. If I have to make a change to my behavior or my thinking, I feel like a failure. I know that doesn’t make sense, but it is a constant battle. I see the same thing happen with other people.

Response: The ego is amazingly durable and yet in some ways very fragile. The ego feels that to change is to cease to exist. Ego always wants control and approval. From a larger view point, ego is understood to be a group of simple learned responses based mostly on our early childhood life experiences and later peak moment or traumatic life experiences. What is learned can be unlearned and replaced, but when we identify with Ego, it change feels almost like a death threat.

Taking control of the process is helpful and makes it feel more pleasant. It is also the best way to engage in change. When we look objectively at ourselves, our lives, our thinking and our behavior, we can see what brings success and happiness, as opposed to what brings pain and suffering. Assuming we choose happiness and success we can then maintain those aspects that bring that to us and change what fails to do so or brings us pain and suffering. 

In playing a game either alone or with others, generally people will stop doing things that don’t win the game and do more of what does win the game. What reason would living life be any different? Of course it is important for us all to check on our thinking and feelings from time to time and make sure we believe that we deserve to win, deserve success and happiness.

7-5-15 Post: Creativity

Question/comment: I feel that my creativity is stifled by my life and all of my obligations. I miss my creative side and it makes me want to chuck everything and go find myself.

Response: It may not be necessary to go to extremes or to give up one aspect of your life to give more attention to the other. Can you find a way to carve out some time for yourself each day? If you can do that and just begin to relax, your creativity can begin to express itself in more obvious ways. 

Think about what things relax you, maybe walking, reading, yoga, meditation, a lingering bath, talking to friends or strangers? For everything that has been stopping you from expressing more creativity, create an affirmation for yourself that states you can manage both aspects of your life and then use those affirmations. This in itself is a creative process and will assist you in bringing more balance into your life.   

Notice your surroundings and yourself; begin to notice all the ways your creativity has been expressing itself. Are you expressing creativity in positive ways? What simple or small things can you do to express more creativity in positive ways? As with most things intent and follow through combined with self love and flexibility will take you where you want to be.

6-28-15 Post: Death Bed Conversations

Question/Comment: My father is close to his death bed and I want to confront him on the things he did wrong in his relationship with me.

Response: You don’t say how close your father is to dying. If he is gravely ill, or incapacitated in any way, he may not be able to engage in a meaningful conversation. Confronting him might help you to feel better or you may be much more deeply hurt and angry. It is a risk. What mistakes you father made are not mentioned in your comment but hopefully you can have compassion for him. Unless he initiates that conversation, it might be kinder and more loving to assist him in his process of transition without telling him off. 

There is no way to change the past and any healing you do has to come from within you, anyway. If he still has the ability and is not on his death bed yet, maybe a conversation would be healing for the relationship between the two of you.  Depending on how close he is to death, initiating such a conversation could distract him from his dying process.

In my opinion it is important that a person focus on their dying process and do so with as much conscious awareness as possible. One of the most loving and kind things one can do in life is to assist someone in their transition out of this life. When we do this, the focus has to be on the person dying, their needs, their wants, their process. Assisting a person in dying needs to be a selfless gift. From what I have observed, each individual who knows they are approaching death, will do their own review of their lives and decide what their regrets are. Their list may not agree with yours. 

Various traditions, have stated in various ways, that the individual will have an assisted review of their life after their death. It seems that they are provided with many opportunities to see how their actions impacted others until they learn understanding and empathy. Maybe you believe that after death there is nothing, that we simply cease to exist. The questions reman the same. What do you hope to gain by a confrontation; what if you are further hurt by the attempt at the conversation; what is the kind, loving thing to do for your father? 


Some questions to ask yourself could be as follows. What is your reason for wanting to confront your father; what do you hope to gain; are you seeking revenge on someone who is now incapacitated; how will you react if you do not get an apology, an admission of guilt or see remorse in him; are you thinking of yourself, your father or someone else in wanting to confront him; who be helped by the confrontation and who would be harmed; would anything be changed for the better; how will you feel about yourself later? 

6-20-15 Post: What is the most important thing in life?

Question/comment: Many people have given me advise on what is important in life. What do you think is the most important thing in life?

Response: I think that we each have to decide for ourselves. If you listen very carefully to your inner knowing, it will guide you. When you hear others state their opinions of what is important in life, see if it rings true for you. I think that we each enter this life with at least a general idea of what we intend to learn, what we want to give to others and a direction we plan to take. Within that framework, I think we have great latitude to find our own personal way.

I have found love of self and others, to be the most lasting and over riding influence in life. I have also seen that hurt, trauma and self-punishment are the greatest distractions from a life path. They detract from people’s ability to focus on their life purpose and plan. Love does seem to help heal the wounds and allow people to find their way back to their path. For some this healing process takes longer than for others.

It is very important that you take good care of yourself in every possible way. Provide opportunities for yourself to listen to your deepest being as often as possible; listen to your deepest self constantly if you can. Treat yourself and others with love and respect; notice that you come first. You can only give what you have. If you do not have love, respect, gentleness for yourself, how can you have them to give to others? 

I think it is very important to consider what we are. Thoughts, feelings, beliefs, actions all come and go. The body we use to navigate in the world comes and goes and is in constant flux. What is permanent? The personality changes, consciousness changes. What is permanent is the observer of the changes. 

If we can identify with the unchanging observer, it is easier to make any needed changes in worldly circumstances, in personality, in thoughts, in feelings, and in beliefs. It is easier to see clearly, hear clearly and follow our path when we rest in our most core self. Never deny yourself love, sustenance or security; also give these to others as appropriate.

6-16-15-Post: Pursuit of the material versus the spiritual

Question/Comment: Am I wrong for pursuing wealth and monetary security? Should I be seeking spiritual enlightenment or good deeds instead?

Response: Who says we have to choose. How can we pursue just one aspect and not all? We can’t. It is only when we acknowledge our selves and everyone and everything else as expressions of the Divine that we can succeed in any area of life. When we pursue life from a stance of love of self and other, that is when we can accomplish our heart’s desires. How can good deeds be separated from spiritual enlightenment or material success? They can’t. 

In our material world, material security allows us to give to others and it allows us the time and energy to devote to spiritual enlightenment.  Spiritual enlightenment leads us to give to others and is based in loving and being loved. With spiritual enlightenment comes clear seeing which leads to success in worldly pursuits. Giving to others, good deeds leads us to feelings of love, a feeling of oneness with others and Source. The material, the spiritual and connection with others are all part of the same circle; none can exist without the other. If any part of the circle is weak, the whole circle is weaker and cannot circulate as much energy.

6-10-15 Post: Self Examination

Question/Comment: I think self examination is a very important part of life and could be a part of everyday life. To me it is like an automatic self improvement program. 

Response: Yes, observation of our feelings, motivation, reactions, desires, thoughts and mental associations can be very informative. We do need to be certain that this type of mental reflection does not become an obstacle to taking practical action or decision making. It is best to let this self observation process go on in the back ground of our every day life. Then self observation can become our primary focus when we take time to meditate. 

This self observation process is most productive when it is allowed to take place without criticism. If we can just observe and take note without judging, we can make the most use of the information. Just begin noticing yourself impartially like you would notice a stranger in a public setting. Notice you demeanor, your posture, your hand gestures, the look on your face, what you say and who you say it to. Notice how you feel in your body and your emotions and which triggers which. Notice your breathing and how it changes with circumstances and thoughts or feelings.

As the song says, “Let it be.” Just notice the flow of one moment into the next. A desire for a change may gradually arise in your awareness. If it does notice what you would like the new thought, feeling or behavior to be and allow it to begin to take shape. Let this all happen without judgement. Then decide if such a change would be in your best interest. Fear may begin to arise, if it does, do not push yourself. Take the time to gently move toward the change with small, tolerable steps.

Many people feel like a failure if they decide a change is needed in some aspect of their personality.  This is the ego feeling that it must be perfect at every moment in every way and must never admit lack of perfection. If the process of self observation and change can be done lovingly and gently with positive expectation, the ego will not be so staunch in its resistance. As always treat yourself with love and the same gentleness and patience you would show to a young child.

5-24-15 Post: Victim to genetics?

Question/Comment: Schizophrenia runs in my family and I am very afraid of getting it. The latest research shows genetic abnormalities cause differences in the brain structure and brain chemistry for people with schizophrenia.  I feel doomed.

Response: You are not doomed. There are many useful medications for schizophrenia and new medications in the pipeline. Consult a psychiatrist right away. You may or may not have any symptom but it is important to check in with a professional periodically. 

Equally important is your belief system.  If you tell yourself that you are doomed, if you live in fear of the illness, if you tell yourself over and over that you will become ill, that is what you will create for yourself.  Begin to talk to yourself about mental health, think about what is right with your mind and your brain. Picture yourself healthy. Eat health promoting foods and avoid putting things in your body that make it more difficult for your brain to function at its best (such as sugar, alcohol and drugs).

Find relaxing, healthy activities such as Yoga or walking to engage in. Develop a network of family or friends as well as mental health professionals that you can rely on to give you opinions about your physical and mental behavior.  Managing risk factors for any potential illness or promoting factors for health is the same. Focus on what you do want and not on what you do not want. If you need medication or medical assistance follow through consistently.

Each person faces challenges in life, it is how we react to those challenges that makes or breaks us. The choices are ours. Many types of mental health challenges are associated with certain differences in the brain structure or brain chemistry, not just schizophrenia. You are not alone. You may be able to find a support group either in the area or on line. Be careful to find a positive group. It will not help you at all to hear horror stories, fears or miseries from others.

When considering a psychiatrist, self help group, medical team, therapies, nutritionist and support network, it is very important to be selfish. These people must provide you with positive, helpful advise and services. This is not a time for you to consider how you are serving others. On this issue, the focus needs to be on whether these people are helping you. Later, you may be strong enough in your health to assist others, but your focus always needs to be on your health first.  

One very important thing for you to do now is to understand that confused thinking and paranoia can be part of schizophrenia. You don’t mention if these symptoms come into play with your family members. Begin to build in safe guards now. Focus on positive affirmations about your food being healthy for you, about any needed medication being important and helpful for you, about you support network wanting the best for you. Build as many positive thought pathways in your brain as possible by consistently and as frequently as practically possible practicing positive affirmations in writing, by typing and saying them out loud. When possible look into your own eyes in the mirror, tell yourself that you deeply love and appreciate yourself and say your affirmations.  If you are able to go to a tapping practitioner that may be very useful for you. 

5-30-15 Post: What is real?

Question/comment: I understand that the Source of all has to be the basis of all that exists. I can understand that nothing can exist that is not made from the original thing that existed. Quantum physics tells me that there is nothing solid, and that there is something that exists and is the material from which everything is made. It also tells me that when looking at the smallest structures we know of such as quarks, if we think it in a place, it will be in that place and it will also be in the place it was before we thought of it in the new place. It is in both places at the same time. I understand that if I think a quark will act like a wave it does, and if I think it will act like a particle it does. This leads me to understand that everything is a mirage and only holds its appearance and displays its typical behavior because we expect it to do so. We think our world into existence. How do I put this information to practical use in my every day life? 

Response: Your question has been asked since time immemorial by religious thinkers, philosophical schools and others; it is being asked in many different forms by more and more people today. Fortunately, we have a number of guides from the past and many teachers to assist in this quest in our modern world. Please, see the links on my blog page for teachers who can assist with this quest. One way to begin is to see everything as yourself. Know that you are the air that surrounds you, that you are literally made from the same stuff. Imagine that you are the floor under your feet as well as your feet as well as your thoughts. Imagine that the distinct lines that separate you from the chair you sit in begins to blur, imagine yourself as the person sitting next to you. Do this with everyone and everything you can see. This practice will help you to expand your awareness and concept of who or what you are.

In practical matters such as finances, picture money as a vibration that takes the form of paper money or credit in a bank account or investment account. See your vibration matching and attracting the vibration of the money. Feel the entrainment of the two and feel the attraction of the two for each other. In regard to relationships, Dr. Ann Marie Chiasson, MD has some very good exercises that will assist in creating a loving vibration in you that will then attract the same from others. One of the concepts she writes about is sacred touch. Learn what this is and see if it is something you can put into practice in your daily life. It will help give you a different perspective.

5-22-15 Post: World Events

Question/Comment: I wake up with night terrors about what is happening in the world. Global warming, species being killed to extinction, melting ice caps, wars, violence, identity theft; I am afraid to leave home or interact with anyone or get on the internet. Groups of people hating other groups and passing hate legislation in their states. What is going on?

Response: You are. What you are focusing on is what you will get more of. If you are a news junkie, break the habit. Get some practical, local mental health assistance to help you change your focus. If you listen to people propagating fear, it will make you feel afraid. When you feel afraid, you will see evidence all around you that there are things to fear and you will create situations that put you in danger. Seek out news that shows what is going right in the world, politicians that are doing good things for the people, people who are helping each other and acting in loving ways. Find ways that you can be of help to others, people, animals, the environment. Change your focus away from yourself and your fears. Focus on what positive actions make you feel good while helping others.

Think about what type of people you want in your life and picture what it will be like to have such friends. You will draw them to you. Think about what type of world you want to live in, how you want people to treat others, what planetary conditions you want to see and focus on what you can do a little at a time to bring your vision to life. Maybe you can smile at someone who seems lonely, or pick up some trash you see on the street or make a small donation to an animal shelter. You decide, but do decide and take action.      

5-16-15 Post: Staying Positive

Question/Comment: I feel like I am surrounded by people forming clicks based on their prejudices. I don’t like to hear gossip; it seems to always have a victim and be designed to make to the gossipers feel important or superior. How can anyone stay on a positive path in such an atmosphere?

Response: For each of us, our current situation is a reflection of our past. This is not a new idea. There are many great teachers providing this same information. See the links on my blog page.  If you are drawing negativity to you, it is time to change your thinking, the things you picture, the things you daydream about. Picture the kind of people you want to attract to you; imagine what you will talk about; what activities you will do together. What you focus on now, will be what you attract to yourself.

If you continue to focus on people you do not want in your life, you will be stuck with them. If you focus on being in situations you don’t like, you will get more of those. A possible path for you to take is to ask yourself how you would feel if all the disagreeable people were suddenly to disappear from your life? Are you afraid to let go of what you currently have because it is the known? Are you afraid of what you could draw to you because it is the unknown? 

You are correct that gossip always targets at least one person as a victim and only has one purpose and that is to make the gossipers feel good about themselves. In this sense gossip is very similar to sarcasm and teasing.  There is no positive intent and they are all passive aggressive means of causing harm. It is important that you do not allow the negative energy to permeate your energy field. Surround yourself with positive influences from books, music, videos, chat rooms and so on as much as possible. When you can find a positive person, cultivate a friendship.

5-10-15 Post: Are limitations real?

Question/Comment: I have a sense that the limitations I believe about myself are not real. But, I don’t know how to stop limiting myself unnecessarily. Can you comment?

Response: Maybe we can say that all of our limitations are self imposed and based on beliefs. When I hear a person say, “I can’t.” What I hear is, “I won’t.” By digging a little deeper, we can always find the real reason for inaction such as fear failure, fear of repercussion for success, feeling unworthy or some other underlying belief.

It is the courageous, motivated person who will examine their fears or out dated beliefs and make changes so that they can then take action in a new direction. This course of change does not have to take immediate drastic steps unless the situation is dire or requires immediate change for some other reason. With slow deliberate consistent action, a person can release limitations and evolve into more of their potential.

How much potential does a person have? In my opinion, unlimited. If we are an outcropping of the universe and still completely a part of the universe, then don’t we have all the potential and abilities of the universe.  It is only our self image and beliefs about ourselves that limit us. We choose limitation so that we can express ourselves and function as the person we have chosen to be. For example, if a person had unlimited understanding and awareness, it may be difficult to focus on the here and now of toothbrushing or making coffee or driving down the highway.

Basically, I think we all choose which limitations to place on our selves at any given moment. The challenge is to choose intentionally and allow ourselves to release a limitation if it no longer serves us.  Many of us, it not all of us forget how to release a limitation. That is where positive affirmations, tapping, meditation and wisdom come into play.