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Friday, February 27, 2015

2-27-15 post: Enjoyment

Question/comment: I am not a very happy person.  I don’t see what people find to laugh about and I don’t enjoy “doing things.”  I’m not depressed or suicidal; life is just not fun.  I just work my job, do my chores and housework and do it all again.

Response: Do you allow yourself pleasure in life? When is the last time you took time to just play.  Adults need to play, too.  Have you ever just taken a walk on a beautiful day, gone to a park to be surrounded by nature, read a book you enjoy? What do you enjoy? Do you allow you inner child to play? Did you play as a child? If you did not have the opportunity, then you will have to learn to play, now.  You can begin by appreciation.  you need help with this, Louise Hay is a good resource for learning how to appreciate. Look around you. Do you have shelter? Be grateful. Do you have clothing, be grateful. Do you have food? Be grateful. You have a job, feel gratitude for all it affords you, all that you learn there and all you are able to give. You can read and write, be grateful. And, so on. As, I learned from Louise, there are always things to be grateful for and the more you notice this and focus on it, the more good things you bring into your life.  It is about what you allow yourself to receive and in what amounts. Fun, happiness, good things, joyful events are awaiting you, do you allow them it? 

Monday, February 23, 2015

2-23-15 post: Inner Child

Question/Comment: Sometimes, I feel like I have never grown up. And, sometimes I see people that I think must have never been a child and never just have fun in life. They are so serious. Is there something wrong with me or with them?

Response: Ann Barnett was my mentor in learning about the inner child. According to my understanding, stated simply, (see Transactional Analysis a form of psychotherapy developed by Eric Berne) we each can be said to have a parent, a child and an adult within our personalities. The adult part is a factual and on task aspect, always striving to accomplish what needs to be done.  The parent part can be loving or critical/judgmental. And, the child part is a child.  I think that if any one part dominates, we become out of balance. 

Some people advocate working in therapy to “get rid of” the child part. But, I think that everyone has a child part all of our lives. Many people need to help their child part heal from childhood abuse of one kind or another. Some people have an inner child that never learned discipline or boundaries and they need to work on the inner child understanding these life lessons. So, I like to talk about the parent part needing to love and accept the child part while the adult part sets boundaries and “teaches” the child part appropriate behavior.

Many times in people with addictions, I have seen that it is the inner child who is in control and acting out. When the adult part can take control and lovingly, non-judgmentally set boundaries for the inner child while listening to her/his needs for healing and desire for fun, the person has a much better chance for sobriety.

The inner child needs to have fun daily, to be listened to and heard, to be protected and cared for and taught appropriate boundaries. (See Louise Hay's work.) This inner child needs all of the same things as an actual child you might have in your care would need.  You need to make sure the adult part of you is handling the direction of your life and the details of daily living. The people you refer to that never seem to allow themselves to have fun, may greatly benefit if they let their inner child have some sort of appropriate, healthful fun everyday.


Wednesday, February 18, 2015

2-17-15 post: Kinds of psychotherapy

Question/Comment: Are there different kinds of psychotherapy? If so, how would I know which is the best for me and which therapist uses what type of approach?

Response: There are many approaches to psychotherapy and asking any therapist that you are considering doing business with what approaches they use is something every potential patient should do. Also you can try out various approaches to see which ones work well for you.  Different types may be useful for you at different times, depending on what you are working on and which part of you is involved.

Here are some of the approached, in broad terms, there are the analytical approaches, the non-analytical talk approaches, the brief approaches that focus on problem resolution, expressive approaches and experiential approaches.  Freud’s psychoanalysis, Jungian analysis and Transactional Analysis by Eric Berne are examples of analytical approaches. 

Some examples of non-analytical talk approaches might include brief therapy that focuses on a particular problem, cognitive behavioral therapy, behavioral therapy, and family therapy or couples therapy where relationships are the focus. Expressive approaches can include art therapy (which can also be analytical), music therapy, dance therapy, and play therapy (can also be analytical).

Some examples of experiential therapy include, Gestalt, positive affirmations, tapping, EMDR, regression, hypnosis, and animal assisted therapy.      

Depending on you, your approach to life, your temperament, your style of thinking, the depth of the work you want to do, the time and money you have to invest in the process,  the issue you want to work on, and so on, you will choose which approach works best for you.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

2-15-15 post: Multiple Personalities

Question/comment: You said you would write about multiple personalities.

Response: There are many scholarly works about Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) which is now officially called Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).  This is not one of them. In this response, I am going to write about what people who have this mental health condition experience.  What follows are not quotes from any one person, but is a synthesis of experiences that patients have related and what I have observed take place in their healing journey.

People talk about “waking up” or suddenly becoming aware out of the blue. They may be unaware of what was going on previously, have a gap of time between what they were last aware of and now. Imagine “waking up” or suddenly becoming aware in a strange place, surrounded by people you don’t know who call you a name that is not yours.  Confusing? Frightening? And, in the midst of this confusion, the people are expecting things from you. Maybe children wanting attention, wanting lunch, waiting for a ride to school or so on. Maybe a mate looking for the usual interactions and reactions s/he has come to expect from you. Only it is not you they have been interacting with. It is someone else who has been using your body.  It was not some sort of outer space invasion, but an alternate personality that you are completely unaware of. But, you don’t know this yet. If you cannot fake your way through the situation, you may very rapidly find yourself on the way to a mental hospital. 

What if this sort of event has happened to you many times, but maybe on a lesser scale? What if you are yet again late for work, or again “forgot” to pick up the kids from school? What if you somehow have not attended class for a week or a month or all semester? What if you have no explanation for these things and don’t remember what you were doing since you left work yesterday, dropped the kids off at school this morning or last attended class? Can you imagine what a confusing and dysfunctional life such a person would be leading. Or, the chaos they create in their relationships with others? Can you imagine having such a person for a parent?

Those who are lucky will have someone to tell them, of another person who shows up and takes control of their body. It is not easily believed just because someone says it happens, but with modern technology people are sometimes shown video or other evidence of the other personality.  Some people become aware of another or other personalities on their own and come to the realization that they share a body with others.  There can be two or more other personalities and one can be aware of another without being aware of all others.  A personality maybe the message relayer between two personalities who are not directly aware of or directly in communication with each other. Is it any wonder that life can be very chaotic for such a “group.”  

There can be a division of “work” or responsibilities between the personalities. Maybe one is good with the children, another is good at driving, another handles the job, and so on.  It seems that often there is one personality who is the defender.  The less fluid the transition between personalities as the task at hand changes, the less fluid the moment to moment functioning for the “system.” Imagine having a group of people that have to come to agreement on every action, every decision, every task in order for you to live your life. And, what if one or more of those people tended to just bully their way into control to have things their own way without regard for anyone else’s thoughts or intentions.  These are the types of experiences that people with MPD often recount.

In my opinion, with psychotherapy, safety, and understanding, multiple personality systems can heal.  Such modalities as meditation, relaxation, tapping, and positive affirmations can all be adjunctive sources of healing and comfort. When a multiple personality system begins to heal, fragments of personalities begin to  integrate into the whole and begin to “fall away” or dissolve as “separate entities.” But, in my opinion, if the therapist begins by or at any point insists that all but the original personality must “die” or be dissolved into the whole, there will be a great deal of resistance to the therapy, even dangerous acting out by the personalities and the therapy may even be doomed to failure.  

The personalities must feel very comfortable with and must trust the therapist and the therapeutic environment.  Even the slightest mistrust can cause an upheaval in the system and a running from therapy. Labeling, judging, harshness, misdiagnosing, over medicating, impatience and misunderstanding can be some of the ways a therapist or therapy team can re-traumatize a patient and thereby hinder or interrupt the healing process. Additionally, each personality must be invited to engage in and must be addressed in therapy.  For example, a child personality will need play therapy or art therapy. A non-verbal personality will need art or music therapy.  Adult personalities may prefer talk therapy and so on.  The protector of defender personality will have to approve of the therapy for the others just as a parent or guardian would. 


In all, the road to healing for a person with MPD may be long and have many starts and stops, but can be done.  The patient can learn to give herself/himself credit for each and every attempt and accomplishment without self criticism or judgement for any “backslides” or diversions from the path. As the personalities learn to give each other permission to exist and learn to love, respect and accept each other, communication, cooperation and success becomes more and more fluid. The personalities may decide to merge but cannot be pushed into it by each other or from someone on the outside. Love, acceptance and cooperation are the keys to success.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

2-12-15 Post

Question/Comment: What is resistance in psychotherapy?

Response: In simple terms “resistance” is an unwillingness to change.  People may not be able to change their perspective or see things differently due to fear, anger, rigidity, lack of life experience, or a myriad of other reasons. In my opinion, whatever the seeming cause of resistance to change, the core reason for resistance is the underlying question of, “Who or what am I?”  The way a person answers this question for themselves is key to what will be resisted or accepted in life in general, in any particular situation or in psychotherapy.  It also seems to be the underlying driving force to all quests whether science, mathematics, pleasure, and so on. 

Okay, what do I mean? If I believe I am my body, I will be very afraid of injury, death, surgery or any thing else that threatens harm to it.  If I believe I am my mind or personality or ego, then I will be very afraid of making any changes to “myself.”  If I think that I am what I think or feel, then if anyone suggests that I am not perfect as I am or that I should make some changes, I will be angry, offended, defensive and resistant.  If I change what I believe, then who am I?

We each are all told from birth or before through words and actions “who we are.”  You are a girl, you are a little boy, you are this religion, you are smart, you are stupid, you are a techno geek, you are a trouble maker, you are so good, you are pretty, you are too fat, you are short, you and your family are rich, you and your family are poor, you don’t deserve attention or protection, you deserve to be beaten, and so on. At a very deep and often non-verbal level, this is who we believe we are. 

Children are very open and impressionable.  A child will believe what s/he is told, especially if it is repeated often, said by many people, or accompanied by action.  Children also identify with the significant adults in their lives and will assume identity and behavior based on what they see. For example, if a child sees one parent figure physically, verbally or mentally abuse another, the child will identify as victim or abuser and play out the role to various degrees in life. If, say, a little boy identifies with a father figure who was abusive physically to females, the boy may grow up to physically abuse women and eventually find himself in therapy to change his behavior.  He may be very resistant to change because this is who he is at a fundamental level of his self identity.


For, any therapy to be effective with any patient, the core beliefs about, “who I am” have to be addressed and challenged. Most of those beliefs will not even be recognized on a conscious level. Addressing the core self definition beliefs may not always have to be addressed head on.  In some forms of brief therapy, a specific behavior may be addressed and changed. If the change does not too deeply challenge self definition, then the behavior can change and the definition of self can change slightly to accommodate the change in behavior.

If I have a deeper sense of self that is a perspective from which I can view all else, including my feelings, behavior, thoughts and core beliefs, then I know that those behaviors, beliefs, thoughts and feelings are not who I am and I can make appropriate changes to them without fear of losing myself. Viewing from this vantage point beyond the flotsam and jetsam is what is sometimes called “being centered.”  

Thursday, February 5, 2015

2-4-15 Post

Comment/question: Tell more about depression after trauma  and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Response: After trauma people grieve various losses.  There may be loss of loved ones, depending on the type of trauma.  There can be loss of a former world view, loss of self-esteem, loss of personal identity, loss of dreams and hopes, just to name a few.  Each person will have an individual experience.  People will often experience depression, anger, hopelessness and all of the usual reactions to loss. Often a person will go into shock after trauma.  This can include physical shock as well as emotional and psychological shock.  

It is very important for a person to receive psychotherapy or counseling guidance as soon possible after a trauma so that the healing process can begin.  It is common for a person to either consciously or unconsciously make wide sweeping decisions after trauma so as not to remember the traumatic events, not feel the pain or ever feel hurt again.  They may decide to never love again or to never trust again.  Even without such decisions communication and normal relationships may become difficult due to intruding emotions and memories.

Some people can move from shock and grief into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  In this instance avoidance of traumatic memories is not possible. The memories flash into conscious awareness uninvited regardless of what is happening in life or they may be triggered by certain life events.  Often these memories or “flashbacks” as they are called, can totally over ride actual current life awareness. 

A person can heal from trauma.  The earlier the intervention, the more sweeping the approach, the stronger the support group, the better the outcome. The person can heal from trauma and needs to be assisted to know that healing is possible, the worst is over, and that her/his reaction can be guided so that s/he can come out stronger, wiser and more healed that s/he would have been otherwise. S/he will not be the same person and should not compare the old self to the new self.


The pain cannot be avoided with drugs, alcohol, food, sex or any other addiction or crutch. Medication can help but should not become a crutch.  Insight meditation can assist in facing the traumatic memories but meditation of other sorts can become a means of escape or a way of dissociating.  Positive affirmations can assist like angels’ wings holding the person up while the healing process takes hold.  The person does not have to believe the affirmations, s/he just has to use them to retrain the brain and create new neural pathways that can begin to override the neural pathways created by the trauma.  The biochemical electrical energy that the brain uses for functioning can be diverted from the pathways created by the trauma and can be fed into the pathways created by positive affirmations. This will assist the person in surviving and thriving during the healing process and will become an integral part of that healing process.  

Sunday, February 1, 2015

2-1-15 post:

Question/comment:

I’ve heard of people really changing after going through some sort of trauma.  It’s like they are not even the same person afterwards. Can you shed some light on this?

Response: Yes, a person will be very different after a traumatic experience.  They are many reasons and causes of trauma.  The degree and direction of that change will depend on the duration of the trauma, the intensity of the trauma, the age of the person, and various other factors. When a person undergoes trauma, there are changes in the pathways of the brain.  In addition, the person will have emotional reactions to the trauma , will attempt to make sense of their experience, and will have to deal with a host of new aspects of life such as flashbacks, anger, and fear as they relate to the trauma.  In the process of adjusting to life after the trauma, the person will form new core beliefs, which over time lead to new thought habits which then lead to a set of feelings and expectations.  The person will have a new set of beliefs about life, other people and self.  So, yes this person will be very different, not only immediately after the trauma but for the rest of their lives.

The crux of how a person continues in life after trauma is built around the help they get. Key questions include: is there competent help available to guide the person through the healing process and does the person avail themselves of the help?  Many people will turn to “self-medicating” with some form of addiction (such as drugs, alcohol, gambling or sex) after trauma to avoid the pain and confusion.  But, these behaviors only complicate matters and make healing more difficult. 

A medical or psychiatric professional will often prescribe an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication which needs to be monitored closely so that it does not become a life-long crutch or a substance of abuse.  And, they certainly need to be accompanied by psychotherapy. Some people may be able to benefit from a combination of psychotherapy and more natural relaxing agents such as some nutritional supplements, herbs or flower remedies.  These natural agents are often prescribed by and monitored by a competent alternative practitioner such as chiropractors or a naturopathic doctor. Some people combine psychotherapy, medication and natural remedies under the guidance of a combination of medical, psychiatric and alternative practitioners. Often yoga, tai chi, and meditation are very beneficial as well.

Each person will vary in what assistance they need in their healing process, the length of time it takes to heal and the course their healing takes. People can emerge from the healing process to thrive and live a strong, healthy life.  

A person’s reaction to intense trauma can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( this is a phenomenon found in some people who have experienced the horrors of combat or in some children who have been sexually abused).  Trauma can also lead to Multiple Personalities which technically falls under the category of Dissociative Identity Disorder.


Hope this gives you some understanding of the life changing event trauma can be and how it changes the course of a person’s life.  This can be true of even traumas such as automobile accidents or the tragic loss of a loved one.  There will be more in future blogs about the grief process after trauma, about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and about Multiple Personalities.

1-28-15 post

1-28-15 Post:

Question/comment:  You said I might benefit from meditation. What is it? Why should I do it?

Response: Please, note that the following is not an exhaustive list of the types of meditation practice or of the reasons for meditation.  

Meditation is a way of focusing the mind. Basically, it begins with concentration, moves into an expanded linear awareness and then becomes a meta awareness.  Moving outside the box, so to speak.

There are many different methods all of which create new pathways in the brain and allow for greater ability for using your mind power.  There are methods that entail observing the breath without attempting to control or change it.  A simple matter of observation. There are methods that entail repeating a sound or word silently.  Other methods have people listen to relaxing music or other recordings. Some may have subliminal messages underlying the music. There is a method that calls for simple observation of what is. It is done from a sitting position and can be done as a walking exercise also.

There are many reasons people choose to meditate.  Many people just want to relax. Someone skilled at this type of meditation, can relax anytime, anywhere.  Some want to expand their awareness or mental abilities. Often people who have difficulty focusing their attention will use mediation for this purpose. It can also assist people who want the mental ability to multitask.  There is also meditation for the purpose of ”enlightenment.”  Enlightenment may mean different things to different people. Some people feel they have reached enlightenment when they feel a kind of euphoria and peace from meditation.  Others feel enlightenment is more about simply observing what is.  The primary focus here is on knowing one’s own self.  The good, the bad and the ugly as they say.  But, the emphasis is on not judging. One only sees the reality of what is.  When the seeing is clear, changes can be made to what is seen if the meditator chooses. This process of choosing to change, making the effort to change and noting the results of the effort all become part of the meditation. It all becomes part of what is observed.  In other words, daily life goes on and the meditation practice, the change process and everything else are all part of what is observed.

Some forms of practice that fall under the meditation label are easier than others.  The results achieved may be equal to the effort the practice requires.