2-12-15 Post

Question/Comment: What is resistance in psychotherapy?

Response: In simple terms “resistance” is an unwillingness to change.  People may not be able to change their perspective or see things differently due to fear, anger, rigidity, lack of life experience, or a myriad of other reasons. In my opinion, whatever the seeming cause of resistance to change, the core reason for resistance is the underlying question of, “Who or what am I?”  The way a person answers this question for themselves is key to what will be resisted or accepted in life in general, in any particular situation or in psychotherapy.  It also seems to be the underlying driving force to all quests whether science, mathematics, pleasure, and so on. 

Okay, what do I mean? If I believe I am my body, I will be very afraid of injury, death, surgery or any thing else that threatens harm to it.  If I believe I am my mind or personality or ego, then I will be very afraid of making any changes to “myself.”  If I think that I am what I think or feel, then if anyone suggests that I am not perfect as I am or that I should make some changes, I will be angry, offended, defensive and resistant.  If I change what I believe, then who am I?

We each are all told from birth or before through words and actions “who we are.”  You are a girl, you are a little boy, you are this religion, you are smart, you are stupid, you are a techno geek, you are a trouble maker, you are so good, you are pretty, you are too fat, you are short, you and your family are rich, you and your family are poor, you don’t deserve attention or protection, you deserve to be beaten, and so on. At a very deep and often non-verbal level, this is who we believe we are. 

Children are very open and impressionable.  A child will believe what s/he is told, especially if it is repeated often, said by many people, or accompanied by action.  Children also identify with the significant adults in their lives and will assume identity and behavior based on what they see. For example, if a child sees one parent figure physically, verbally or mentally abuse another, the child will identify as victim or abuser and play out the role to various degrees in life. If, say, a little boy identifies with a father figure who was abusive physically to females, the boy may grow up to physically abuse women and eventually find himself in therapy to change his behavior.  He may be very resistant to change because this is who he is at a fundamental level of his self identity.

For, any therapy to be effective with any patient, the core beliefs about, “who I am” have to be addressed and challenged. Most of those beliefs will not even be recognized on a conscious level. Addressing the core self definition beliefs may not always have to be addressed head on.  In some forms of brief therapy, a specific behavior may be addressed and changed. If the change does not too deeply challenge self definition, then the behavior can change and the definition of self can change slightly to accommodate the change in behavior.

If I have a deeper sense of self that is a perspective from which I can view all else, including my feelings, behavior, thoughts and core beliefs, then I know that those behaviors, beliefs, thoughts and feelings are not who I am and I can make appropriate changes to them without fear of losing myself. Viewing from this vantage point beyond the flotsam and jetsam is what is sometimes called “being centered.”