7-13-15 Post: Why is change so threatening?

Question/Comment: I constantly have to fight the feeling that I have to be right. If I have to make a change to my behavior or my thinking, I feel like a failure. I know that doesn’t make sense, but it is a constant battle. I see the same thing happen with other people.

Response: The ego is amazingly durable and yet in some ways very fragile. The ego feels that to change is to cease to exist. Ego always wants control and approval. From a larger view point, ego is understood to be a group of simple learned responses based mostly on our early childhood life experiences and later peak moment or traumatic life experiences. What is learned can be unlearned and replaced, but when we identify with Ego, it change feels almost like a death threat.

Taking control of the process is helpful and makes it feel more pleasant. It is also the best way to engage in change. When we look objectively at ourselves, our lives, our thinking and our behavior, we can see what brings success and happiness, as opposed to what brings pain and suffering. Assuming we choose happiness and success we can then maintain those aspects that bring that to us and change what fails to do so or brings us pain and suffering. 

In playing a game either alone or with others, generally people will stop doing things that don’t win the game and do more of what does win the game. What reason would living life be any different? Of course it is important for us all to check on our thinking and feelings from time to time and make sure we believe that we deserve to win, deserve success and happiness.