11-12-15 Post: Stalker

Question/Comment: What do I do about a person who will not let me alone. She seems completely fixated on me and the more she pursues me the more I want to run from her.   She shows up at my house unannounced and uninvited. She tries to wheedle her way into my life by telling me what I need to do and then offering to help me do it. It has gotten so bad that just the sound of her voice causes me to cringe. I think I have PTSD from her harassment. Now I am really angry that I have to spend my time and money to heal from this person’s harassment and I still cannot get rid of her. (Original comment has been edited to shorten and hide identities.)

Response: Have you called the police? You may need to get a restraining order; do you have witnesses to the harassment or videos? Then if she harasses you in public, you can show the restraining order to the business owner or the police and have her removed. Do not take physical action yourself. You do not want to get suckered into doing something that will ruin your life. Get legal help.

I am assuming that you have spoken to her before this point and told her clearly and definitely that you don’t want any contact with her. It is very important to make clear to such a person that her plans for a relationship with you will never happen. It is possible that indirect hints and behavioral clues will be totally missed or ignored by some people. There are also those people who will ignore very direct no nonsense communication as well.

I would also suggest that you may need a few sessions with a therapist to explore your reactions and thoughts on this issue. If indeed you have developed PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from this issue then definitely see a counselor. It may seem unfair to you for you to have to spend your money on therapy because of the actions of someone else but you might ask yourself if this indication of victim thinking on your part? A few well used counseling sessions can benefit just about everyone.

A person doing the kind of stalking you mentioned may have a personality disorder at best. There isn’t enough information here to know about this person but there have been some cases of people who were psychotic and believed they were married to or in a relationship with someone who was a stranger or who had at least never agreed to or entered into such a relationship with them. 

If you have stated your desire for no contact with her clearly and she persists, then at least to some degree she not be fully in touch with reality. She may also enjoy the power of being able to frighten you or illicit your anger. Like any child or child part, negative attention is preferred to no attention. Clearly the person you described has mental health issues.

Request assistance from the police if necessary, get some counseling, take loving care of yourself. Make certain that you do not focus your time and energy on this stalker. What we focus on we get more of.